Not Truly Single

I took the opportunity to answer this question of a young single friend… “what is the best and worst part about being single.”

My first response, in my heart was, “wait I am not single,” but then I realized so many things do not seem real because I am not single by choice, I am single by circumstances far beyond my control.

This was my answer to my young, single friend, edited for here….

I am in a new kind of singleness, having been single once upon a time, then married happily ever after and intimately acquainted with, “until death do us part.”  My answers may be out of the ordinary, and largely tainted by my new found single status as a widow.

The hardest part of being single, before I married was the pressure of those around me thinking they knew what I needed. I spent long hours on my knees wuth God countering well meaning comments, suggestions and blind dates. It was also hard to resolve to let God lead… and not run madly ahead willy-nilly and break my heart on the way.

In the hard of those years, I learned to submit to the love of my Savior and had a taste of knowing Him as my husband, but mostly as my Father. It wasn’t until I became single again, not by choice, that I realized the value of those long ago lessons on leaning into God as my husband. God has promised to be the husband of the widow and Father to the fatherless.

As I find myself single again I’d say the hardest part is knowing what I am missing, truly knowing. And it is this knowing that, feeds the contentment to stay single until heaven… should God will it to be so. The other hard part about being single now, as a widow, is the same as before… the pressure of well meaning people.  Somehow, many view the widow as an unhappy person who shouldn’t be alone. Yes, there is much sadness, adjusting is hard. But it isn’t another man that will bring happiness, it is learning to be content to lean on God, who is my husband, provider and protector.

The best part of being single…. hmmm… as a pre-married woman, I’d have said freedom to do and be whatever I wanted, whenever I want to. But, being married taught me a God-inspired and God-given marriage doesn’t inhibit who I am, it enhances who I am. As a widow, single again, I’d say that the best part of being single… isn’t anything. Once you have been married to the one God created just for you, being single is a huge adjustment. One day, I’ll probably have an answer. One day this discovering who I am again, will lead to seeing the good.  One day I’ll grasp the the beauty in the ashes. For now I am content to know I am not alone.  I am not truly single, my heart it still a part of my beloved ones and God truly is my husband.

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4 thoughts on “Not Truly Single

  1. I love your way with words, thank you for opening your heart, your willingness to share your hurt will help so many heal. You are always in my prayers, see you soon.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for sharing from your vulnerable and real heart. Your words always move me to the core of my heart. This “leaning into God” is such a hard lesson to learn, I wonder if any of us ever really know the fullness of it? You are in my prayers to be held by Him through these hard days of Holidays, and to feel His Love surrounding you and your children! –Blessings to you!

    Liked by 1 person

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