Not the usual thought process, but then normal, as I once knew it, is no longer. I’ve been pondering purpose. What is my purpose? Ultimately it is to bring God, my Father, glory. But what does that look like I wonder?
Day after day I struggle to find motivation and desire to do, well, everything. I am a pleaser, but since becoming a widow, the object of my desire to please is now in heaven. I have felt left without purpose. This is all my own perspective, of course.
Recently I had this thought process challenged. I have been missing my beloved one so much lately, I realized most of what I did was for him. I loved to cook and clean and raise our children, but after losing my husband the delight turned into duty and aside from raising our girls, I was failing to keep up with small everyday things (still am if.truth be known). I am sorry to admit, I didn’t care for a time if there were dishes in my sink or if we ate strangely. I only got out of bed for the girls, I cooked like a zombie out of sheer necessity and often forgot to mop or dust or care if those things got done.
Well, back to the challenge to meet purpose again. I took a trip, and discovered in the midst of my desire to help a dear, widow friend, that purpose is not defined by what we do or how well we do it, but rather what we allow God to do through us and how we become the hands and feet of Jesus.
Through a chain of countless miracles (a wonderful story in itself) leading up to my dear friends surgery and God’s prompting, I had the privilege of being her after surgery “coach.” Being there for her drew me closer to our Father, in my desire to be the best help possible I found myself leaning in towards God’s side. God did a miracle in me, beginning a healing process and an understanding of purpose. And it was revealed at my dear friends bedside. Each morning hope dawned in my heart, God was getting my attention. There for my friend, but God made it clear He was going to use her in my life too. I was there to help her, but God opened my heart and it was helped as well. I went to encourage and found that I was being encouraged.
God is so good. He is gracious and kind. His loving eye was on me everyday. I realize now that purpose is what we allow Christ to do in and through us, not what we go out and stir up for ourselves. Christ brings the needs to us, He equips us for the task and whispers in our hearts the words we need to hear and to share. He also allows us to discover, how much we are loved and needed. God prepared my heart, and I began to learn to be willing and allow His glory to become my purpose.
What an amazing opportunity God gave me. I learned to love waking up with something to do and with His words on my heart. Thank you God for teaching me.