There are steps in this journey that seem more like wandering, more then the steps of a sojouner with purpose. Wandering seems, at least to me, where I am at. The valley is so dark, it is hard to believe that there could be any purposeful footprints being made here. And… in the darkness, I wouldn’t be able to see them anyway.
Matthew 14:26-31 ESV
But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, “It is a ghost!” and they cried out in fear.  But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.”  And Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.”  He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus.  But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.”  Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?”
This is where faith in the One who loves me and made purpose in my journey, comes in. For weeks now I feel I have lost the hand that I held onto so tightly before. Writing, walking, thinking and knowing that God had all things held together, was clearer once. Since those days, it has become a challenge to stand and confidently take steps into the future. Suddenly, I took my eyes off the Lord and found myself drowning in the depths of this grief and loss. Yes, I know grief must take its course, and has no guide book. And no, I haven’t turned my back on my beloved Saviour I just, like Peter of old, began to doubt these steps were even possible. I couldn’t believe I was here in this place and I looked down instead of up. I looked into the waves instead of into the eyes of a loving , powerful Saviour. Like Peter, I am out of my comfort zone, walking somewhere humans were never designed, originally, to walk. But when I said goodbye to my beloved best friend, and stepped out of the boat, so to speak, I looked into the eyes of heaven itself, and found myself walking where it seemed impossible to walk. And then I looked at where I was, the swirling waters of my life, the waves of pain and the drenching current of tears… and I began to sink. I know with God all things are possible, I just struggle. Always His hand was there reaching out, wanting me to grasp it back. So, after weeks of fighting for survival, in my own strength at times, I have thrown up my hands and been reaching back. Knowing that He has promised to take my hand, he has proven it time after time.. that His love is greater then all my pain.
Standing here now, a wanderer that has wondered at my purpose. And… He whispers to my soul… “wanderer, my hand in yours… makes you a sojourner.” Even if I cannot see purpose, meaning or even… my way through the dark… I am not lost, His hand pulling me up from each wave proves that I sojourn. I must simply have faith that purpose comes with it, and that He will show me when I am ready.