Hmmm… pondering grief….
Grief suits you. What?!?!
I wondered at this outrageous statement that slammed into my heart today. What could it mean? Do I wear grief as a victim badge, allowing it to reign on the throne of my heart? Is it an excuse to get out of life and living? Do I pull the grief card when I want to…. wallow or pull the covers over my head? How do I wear grief?
I had to think about this more…
What do other’s see when I grieve? Do they see grace or self-pity? Do they see hope or hopelessness? Do they see Jesus or me?
I don’t mean we should never ache, cry out or hurt. I don’t mean we should stuff our feelings in until we explode. Certainly our feelings and emotions are part of God’s design. But is truth present in my grief? Truth that Jesus is present, loving me through every step. That He will never leave me. So, do I love the One who designed me, more then myself?
Does grief suit me? If I was in charge and given the choice, grief wouldn’t have set foot in my heart or my home. My husband would have never had cancer. And we would have lived a long life together. But… that was not to be so.
In light of that, grief must suit me well, I simply must. I must walk this road and walk it well. So that, Jesus is what others see. When I cry, let them see Jesus collecting my tears, every one. When I am in pain and the grip of loss is great, may others see the saviour holding me in His arms. When I have a day where I think life is not fair, let them see His angels standing guard. When I fall into despair, may they see the light of His love shining from every broken place in my heart. And when I miss my beloved one, please let them see I have hope of heaven. And that grace lives in me.
God, please do not let despair, depression, fear, worry, anger and guilt detract others from you. May the darkness of this journey never consume me and extinguish the candle I hold in your honor. Help me to grieve in such a way that others would be drawn to you. Help it suit me for Your sake alone.