After 4 days in the hospital Chris had reached his limit. Thre news we received was discouraging at best, and it seemed there was not much else that could be done. Chris’ whole countenance was declining and he felt like he was a prisoner with a sentence. So, it was time to break Chris out. I was feeling overwhelmed, I didn’t know what to do. But it was clear that I find a way or chris would be desperate enough to walk out on his own. That morning was drawing a blank, until Chris said he wanted to speak with the oncologist. We couldn’t get through after several calls, then it dawned on me I had the cell number of the NP Marie. I shot her a message, asking for her assistance in getting Chris discharged the next day. I let her know that the hospital was not in Chris’ best interest. I also knew that we wouldn’t be able to leave without assistance at home; a step, I now knew Chris would be more accepting of if he knew it was going to get him home faster. Our NP is precious to me and messaged back right away she would be over after her day. When she arrived, many of Chris’ favorite friends were surrounding him in support. Marie, gently let Chris know that he was an amazing fighter, that this cancer was just too aggressive. He had endured the toughest treatments and that continuing with more treatment would only make him sicker to no avail. Chris pressed for his time frame from her medical perspective, that was hard. Chris has been given days perhaps weeks. She shared her heart, like she was family. And as she teared up and emotions spilled out, she grasped his hand in both of hers, and told Chris she had never known anyone like him and that it had been a privilege to have him in her care. She made immediate arrangements for Chris’ discharge to happen the next day. Her RN Megan shared with me the tremendous impact Chris had had on all the nurses there, and that their office was going to adopt our family for Christmas. Later that evening, Dr. W, our oncologist, come in to chat with Chris, but not as a doctor, as friend. He grasped Chris’ hand in both of his and just listened to Chris’ heart. Chris thanked doctor. Doctor said one thing that I will never forget, “we have human limitations, by design, for dependance on God.” He spent a long time with us. Dr. W demonstrated how perfectly we can communicate with no words and how just the simple holding of a hand can comfort.
Yesterday Chris made his prison break. We want to thank the many hands that prepared our home for Chris’ arrival, who were here to receive hospice, clean my house, care for the girls and make arrangements for school to be missed. Our girls seemed calm and at peace when we arrived here. For those of you who know Chris’ stubborn is one of his many gifts. How else would he have fought this battle so well. He was not happy about the bed hospice brought in, and coordinated its prompt removal. I felt bad, but my brother in law put it in perspective, he still has fight left in him. True, so Chris has his bed and Chris’ dad did some McGyver modifications to make sure he was propped up. Chris was thankful to be home. He is looking forward to an outing with his dad and brother today. Please pray for strength. This is important to him. Please pray that God graces Chris with the time he needs to do the things he needs and wants to do. Pray that he have strength to do them, beyond himself, all in God.
Most importantly pray that others who know us would see that God is good and has not been the source of harm. That he holds us, carries us through and loves us through the hardships of a fallen world. Nothing touches us without him coming in and strengthening us with the power and ability to handle it. God by our side every step. Please look back on our journey, and see how we have been cared for, not that we have been cursed, but truly blessed. Heaven is the home of all who choose to ask God into their lives. Chris knows that is where he will be someday. He has a personal relationship with the creator of the universe, knowing God truly sees us, each of us, as his adopted children. He knows us by name. We are privileged to be his heirs, with heaven as an inheritance. Chris wants all the dear ones in his life, to know God wants you to ask him to have a personal relationship with him. So that someday we will all be together in heaven with him, the only sting death has is for those Chris knows and loves, who do not know God or have a relationship with him. He prays for those special people in his life and wants you to have more than “being a good person” to your name, but to also be son or daughter of God and an heir of heaven’s bounty and blessings. Chris is confident of where he is going. He is not afraid, but he is not ready to quit fighting and hoping for a miracle either. He feels that he still has things to be done here.
Many of you have been following my blog. This post above is a piece of the story. This is where I was a year ago, in the battlefield. A warrior at Chris’s side, living figuratively, on my knees. A week after this post he went home. And though the missing of him is acutely painful, I trust God to carry me and comfort my breaking heart.
Psalm 139:1-6 ESV
O LORD, you have searched me and known me!  You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar.  You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways.  Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.  You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me.  Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it.