As I continue reading through our journey over the last year, I am still wondering who was this person who wrote these things? I cannot remember writing in this journal, most days. Memories… they are dear treasures. I am vividly remembering those last couple weeks with my best friend and husband. Never was there more commitment and devotion in our marriage than those days. He was committed to sharing his faith, opening our home and loving people; to the very last moment he was with us. Just before Chris fell into his final asleep, I was able to lean in close and whisper into his ear, “I love you, and so does Jesus.” And he whispered back, “I know, and Jesus is telling me all kinds of things.” This is the most valuable treasure I have. As I hold this gem in my hand/heart, it catches the light. The light of Jesus love, a heavenly light. That moment, as he was between earth and heaven… I glimpsed, for a fraction of a moment, the glory and love of heaven. His words opened my eyes, and I longed for heaven in ways I never have. This treasure is, I hope l, not hidden. I want to share it with anyone who wants to see the beauty of its many facets and just how it has caught Jesus light.
This treasure is so special. And though I want to share, I often get caught in the lies of the enemy of heaven. He whispers things that dull my treasure and seem to dim its light, discouraging my heart. He weaves clever ideas and throws them over me as a cruel web, pulling me further from the truth. I wrote this in the midst of just such a battle. And how it echos my soul today.
It also marked the first week of a pirate-like invasion. It is not as you’d imagine a traditional pirate attack; boats and cannons and Jolly Roger’s flags. It looks more like a silent beach where the sand had been ransacked and dappled with small craters where someone had been randomly digging in search of something… in a careless fashion. (And first thing that they stole was the “R” key on my laptop… just kidding a technical difficulty not worth mentioning perhaps.) Though I cannot see the pirates, I see what they are doing and where they have been. I am weary if the constant need to be so alert and always ready to guard my mind from their lies. If I am not, I hear the whisper and sometimes the shout, that “life isn’t fair,” “you have nothing left,” “you can’t do this,” or “where is God?” Some days I believe that they have gotten a hold if my treasure and they are dragging it off and gloating over my demise. And some days, I see them for what they are, liars who have nothing of mine.
It seems that there was an attempt to threaten the security of my treasure, all those precious gems and jeweled memories and moments where God has been growing me and using our journey and the places He is asking me to share openly for His glory (those treasures). In my heart, I know that it is secure, and that it hasn’t been stored up here on some beach if my life, where earthly elements and insane enemy pirates can confiscate it or take it from me. But… an attack, from the enemy, of this nature, can be convincing in a grieving state of mind. It is easy to see the craters on the beach as a personal attack and it certainly gives the impression that the precious has become vulnerable. But… if I lean hard on the promises of Jesus His hand in mine, I can remember that all my truest, most valuable treasure is not buried on that beach, it isn’t hidden under dirt. It is out in the open where it can be seen and is carried with me at all times. If I am making my own map and pulling out a shovel to bury it, it isn’t real treasure anyway. Real treasures are for sharing, and in the sharing, delight the Giver of the treasure. And God’s delight, He is making a treasure chest for me in Heaven, safely and securely keeping it for me. Where no enemy, no matter how sly, can take it away.
I know my treasure is stored up in heaven, (Matthew 6:19-21) Chris being there waiting is certainly a treasure I look forward to very much and being held by Jesus, that will be the ultimate treasure.