How many times have I said, “I am done,” only to get up and do it all again the next day and the next? For all of the hundreds of times I wanted to quit, to run, to hide or to throw the covers over my head; there were a hundred more promises whispered into my soul.
Today was no exception, after a restless night, I opened my eyes look down the barrel of stress and his best friend fear and cousin worry. These three havoc-reeking cohorts were maniacally planning my day’s demise before I had time to sit up in bed. I have met these characters before, seen them lurking around the corners of my journey, just waiting to catch me off guard. This morning they were a bold lot, they had me hog-tied before I had a chance to slip out of their grasp. It was not looking like a good day, by its beginnings.
Something, a promise, just flash upon my brain, “where, oh death, is your sting.” The enemy has been busy trying every way possible to cause me to yell, “uncle.” To cause me to feel defeated and convince me I am purposeless. I have pondered this sting of death concept many times. I know what death’s sting is, but I have escaped its paralysis and permanence. I know the promises God has whispered to my soul. Death will not defeat you. My beloved one, has had victory over death and lives in heaven.
But… for those left here, mourning our losses and aching painfully, there is the battle to remain sane and swing our swords at the lies of the enemy. An enemy who dances with death, pours out depression and laces it with cunning and convincing untruth. We fight on, carrying in our hearts the greatest defence, which is the death… and resurrection of Jesus. He is the reason we do not fear the valley of death, or its shadows.
So… I am done. Done battling myself and walking alone. I am done hiding in the dark corners, wishing for things I cannot understand. I am done drowning the fire of life with buckets of depressing thoughts. I am done starring down the barrel of the enemy’s cronies. I am done pulling up the covers and blocking out the light of living. I may be sad and pained deeply, but there is life in this numb and weary soul. Jesus life lives brightly in mine, and death has no power over that. I am done… because the God of heaven… is not done with me yet.