Psalm 77:1-2, 4-6, 11-14 ESV
I cry aloud to God, aloud to God, and he will hear me.  In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord; in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying; my soul refuses to be comforted.  You hold my eyelids open; I am so troubled that I cannot speak.  I consider the days of old, the years long ago.  I said, “Let me remember my song in the night; let me meditate in my heart.” Then my spirit made a diligent search:  I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember your wonders of old.  I will ponder all your work, and meditate on your mighty deeds.  Your way, O God, is holy. What god is great like our God?  You are the God who works wonders; you have made known your might among the peoples.
I was reading this tonight, as I struggle to sleep. How comforting it is to know He hears me, even my crying and the groans that are not words. I am in a seeking place. A place where I find myself wondering in the sleepless places, what He is doing.
I do consider the days in the past. The years of my life that have gone by, and the history of our family. All the victories, failures, hopes and dreams. It overwhelms. It captivates. These have all become words the song in the night of my soul. Encouraging me when there is silence and stillness, to answer my cries towards heaven. I remember the many blessings He poured out on me as I walked in sheer, blind agony. Loss was numbing my legs and my heart and I was deaf to hope’s calling. This song whispers and it blares loudly as needed. This song in the night is hope, grace, goodness, peace and great passionate love. It holds me close and pushes me forward. His power echoes from the walls I have built up to protect me from the pain of loss. This song enters my heart in the night and floods my mind each morning. It sings as defences crack and tumble down, leaving me vulnerable and exposed. And so I stand, now in the night of lost hopes and castle dreams of happy endings and white knights. Jesus sings of His coming, of holy heaven and Chris’s new home. He sings of victory over failures, death and cancer. He harmonizes with the angels, encouraging each step, willing me on with his tender song. And I realize He makes my castle home in Heaven, and someday He will be the white knight, catching me up with Him to have the perfect ending. And my song will join Chris’s as we celebrate our home with Christ.
Until then I listen in the darkness, for the song in the night. I wander through the valley, straining for is powerful notes to guide me safely out of this dark place. My song in the night is Jesus, loving promise to never leave me or forsake me.
Zephaniah 3:17 ESV
The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.